Right Here, Right Now
Dazed I wake up for a second time, opening heavy lids to find that Monday had dawned softly. Red is slowly beginning to caress the darkness as I stretch out lazy like a cat, lying in the middle of the kingsize bed, my thick winter frame engulfed by fleecy bedding the colour of candy floss.
"Sweet!" I utter out loud to an already empty house as soft light filters in through aluminium blinds making stripes like tattoos on my paled skin.
I should get up, but I am perplexed by the day which stretches ahead of me demanding nothing!
I'm at odds, not used to so much time on my hands, "busy" being my usual setting.
I'm beginning to like this new reality.
The ticking clock by my bedside sets a steady rhythm, and all around me the world is slowly moving.
It's as if the world's forgotten about this one tiny space. In my cocoon I groggily sit up, twisting my plaits and piling them on top of my head. Spying myself in the PC screen, I giggle at the ridiculousness of it.
Pleasure in the mundane!
It takes very little to get me smiling these days. I settle into my spot, feel feeling with my right hand for his. It's still warm, I scooch over, snuggling deep into his spot. I breath in deeply, and sigh with pleasure.
I like this new me.
No distractions!
No endless chatter!
No comments!
No daydreams.
No work!
This self-imposed exile is experimental, and proving to be rather pleasing.
It's not easy disengaging from the grid. The world asks so much of us: to be responsible and hard working; dissatisfied with our lives and materialistic; ever questioning of our worth and wanting more and better. It wants us eternally searching for love and hungering for success; never feeling like we're good enough for either...
Yada yada yada...
I'm like Neo in the Matrix, rather disorientated, slightly off balance, but having swallowed the red pill, there's no turning back.
Denial, fantasy, oblivion, ignorance: none of these are an option.
I fidget, start getting antsy.
I need something to quieten my mind.
The adhan sounds as if on cue: time to pray! I catapult out of bed.
The soothing arabic verses are poetic and beautiful, drowning out the noises of the world. I return to my room having tamed my hair with my scarf. Feeling centred, I bow down, the minaret on my blueprayer mat directing me towards qibla, and the connection is made. My bond with the Creator is personal, my prayers fervent, and a calming peace envelopes me.
The surahs roll off my tongue and my movements are lithe and freeing, body, mind and soul in unison, at one with the source of it all.
With my hands in prayer, I sit with my head bowed in thanks.
So many roads taken, so many wrong turns.
So grateful it lead me right here, right now.
I glance up, peaking at the world with new eyes. I see the wind moving through the trees. I watch the birds flying in perfect formation, I hear the waves crashing on the shore, and feel the first, weak rays of the sun on my skin, and I know my place.
And in the silence that descends in the hours following the dawn, the ticking of the clock becomes almost hypnotic.