In & Out
12:18 Inside… In my head. In my bed. In hiding. Breathe… In… hold… Reset… Breathe out… Head out. Out of options? Out of ideas! Get out… Out of my own way, outside on asphalt, heat rising in waves, the morning sun beating down. I waited too long. Should’ve started earlier. Could’ve. But also, I had been held captive by white linen, warmed by entangled limbs and menopause until the cold hit… that cold shoulder, that iciness that had settled in between then and now. So I plod on, knees inflamed and shoes tied too tight… each step bringing release. The pavement shimmers ahead, heat bouncing off it in invisible ripples. My headphones are on, volume up, world turned down. A beat finds its way into my bloodstream, nudging me along. Not a fitness mission. Not a calorie-burning, step-counting, heart-rate-monitoring performance. I'm just trying to get the hell out of my own head. My legs move, reluctantly at first, then with a little more purpose. Thud, thud, thud. ...
