The Modern State of Relationships — And Why We’re Over It
You got a husband, got a degree, and got a job, preferably in that order.
Choosing to stay single? Well, that was for wild, outspoken women who dared to be different and, according to some older aunties, rather difficult.
But here we are in 2025 where marriage is more of an option, a mere suggestion in a culture where individuals are more phantom than champion, and ghosting is more common than “good morning” texts.
And women, especially those of us navigating expat life, mountain trails, or the wild terrain of self-development and childhood trauma, are flipping the script.
We’re not single because we’re unlucky in love.
We’re not single because we’re picky or full of nonsense.
We’re single because we’re done participating in unfulfilling, dysfunctional traps where our needs aren’t met and emotional intelligence is considered “a girl thing.”
I want to be a wife and a lover, not a mother to a grown-ass man with unresolved childhood issues.
I don’t need a 6-pack, or 6-feet, or 6-figures.
Give me 6 soft skills:
Kindness. Communication. Accountability. Empathy. Humor. Emotional Intelligence.
6 habits of a grown man:
Texting back. Active listening. Doing the dishes. Booking the date. Showing up on time. Knowing when to apologize.
6 ways you make life feel safe, soft, and fun:
A soft place to land. Honest words. Steady hands. Shared dreams. Belly laughs. Peace of mind.
6 things that actually turn me on:
Consistency. Clean sheets. Emotional availability. Good hygiene. Playlist game. Knowing how to book a reservation.
Give me 6 reasons to stay:
Soft hands. Sharp mind. Dirty talk. Deep respect. Good credit. The ability to cook more than eggs.
I’ll even be happy with these 6 daily essentials:
Morning coffee made. Forehead kiss given. Boundaries respected. Random memes sent. Back rubbed. Attitude checked.
It’s not bitterness. It’s clarity.
It’s not hating. It’s setting boundaries.
The Marriage Myth (And Why We’re Unsubscribing)
Many of us grew up watching marriage treated not as a sanctuary, but as a recycling bin for outdated patterns and unchecked traditions.
We entered relationships on autopilot emulating the ideas of others without forethought or consideration.
We’ve witnessed divorce, disconnection, and the slow, soul-numbing drip of unfulfillment. We’ve seen friends shrink to fit into partnerships that looked good on Instagram but felt like traps in real life.
These days, it’s a very different proposal.
We choose differently.
We choose peace over performance.
We choose hiking boots over high heels at dinner parties we don’t want to be at.
We choose late-bloom partnerships , or no partnership at all, not out of fear, but out of freedom.
Psychology Confirms What We Already Knew
Modern psych backs us up: trauma cycles, attachment theory, nervous system regulation... we’re doing the work.
We’re unlearning the fairy tales. We’re rewriting the narrative.
The new love story?
Falling in love with yourself, first, best, and forever.
Let’s not ignore the male loneliness epidemic either, because yes, it’s real. And sometimes being safe is better than being brave. Rejection is a mother...
But there’s a world of difference between being alone and being lonely.
Alone is sipping coffee at sunrise after a bike ride to Muizenberg Beach along the M5.
Lonely is lying next to someone who doesn’t really see you.
We’re finally brave enough to choose the former.
When Gender Roles Got Scrambled
Somewhere along the way, the gender roles got scrambled.
We have feminine men looking for direction and masculine women exhausted from leading.
Instead of meeting in the middle, we’re swiping past each other on apps where the only real chemistry is with the algorithm that’s screwing us anyway.
As one of my girlie tribe once said after yet another situationship with more red flags than Muizenberg Beach during shark season:
"Yoh, how come no one knows how to adult right anymore!"
Ghosting. Love bombing. Breadcrumbing. Orbiting.
Welcome to modern dating, where disappearing after three deep conversations is somehow considered normal.
Where using someone as a placeholder until marriage material comes along is convenient and commonplace.
Our TikTok “psychologists” would be fascinated.
Or horrified.
Probably both.
The Sacred Solo Season
As I’ve written before here on Imaginari, the Sacred Solo season isn’t about isolation, it’s about integration.
It’s the pause in place of the pattern.
It’s where we get clear on who we are when no one’s watching and whether we even want to share our Spotify playlists, much less our lives.
Sure, the modern playlist has replaced the mixtape of the '80s, but the message remains the same.
We’re learning to love from wholeness, not from wounds.
We’re not waiting to be chosen.
We’re choosing ourselves: daily, consciously, joyfully.
So the next time someone asks:
"Why are you still single?"
Feel free to answer with a smile, a sparkle in your eye, and absolutely no apology:
"Because I know myself, and honestly, I’m the best date I’ve ever had."
Redefining love and relationships ❤️
ReplyDeleteFor sure...much needed♡
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