Life is beautiful

Ah, life, how beautiful you are, with all your quirks, your ups and downs. You toss and turn us like a Sunday salad and throw us into spins and dives like a roller coaster… Then, just when we think you’ve put us through the wringer one too many times, you settle us into calmer waters, hair dishevelled, marbles lost, and edges rough and grating. Only then do you ask even more of us: to take the broken, shaky bits and glue them back together, even better than before.

You sly old dog, you!

It has taken some convincing to believe that you’re actually operating on a level we cannot even begin to comprehend… and that perhaps, somehow, it’s all in our best interest. How do you even do this? How do you nurture each and every one of us towards realising what you already know: that the ultimate version of each individual is already embedded within us, but is something so precious that it needs to be mined like diamonds?

I have come to believe that the people you send our way are the keys to unlocking those hidden bits we are so afraid to unveil.

Each love, each heart, each friend, each foe is leading us forward on the journey towards realising our best selves.

Can it be painful at times? Oh, so very, very much.

Is heartbreak actually necessary, though? 'Cos damn, I could do without it. It sits in my bones and steals my breath. Did you know that intense emotional stress can have very real physical consequences, sometimes in extreme cases even triggering a heart episode? So why unleash this horror on our fragile souls?

I could feel my breath quicken as the palpitations set in, trying desperately not to be overwhelmed by loss. I tried to talk myself out of it, to rationalise away those foolish feelings. And as I refused to cry, the kadoof-doof of my heart rang even louder, drowning out every thought of abandonment, betrayal, and disappointment, fear…

But then comes calm…

And with the calm comes the realisation that loss can make room for things you couldn't see while you were holding on tightly to people and circumstances that had already shown you the lessons you needed to learn.

Perhaps loss is necessary for personal growth. Perhaps, sometimes, it is only when something falls away that we can finally see what has been waiting for us all along.

But… and I know this is a big ask… can I please, just for a while, have some peace and calm while the fire within is once again stirring?

Time to process where it might lead me, what it might look like to lean into the passing of time, and whether the fire can smolder rather than rage, so the newness has a chance to take hold before life throws the first curveball once again. Cos I know it's coming.

I need my heart to be strong.

I need to stand squarely in the face of doubt.

And I still need to put on my granny panties, cos my big-girl ones are all worn out.