The body is a wonderous thing. GingeredZ

Not so long ago in the distant past  (actually 2 months ago) which to me seems like a lifetime... 

Everything bothered me. 

The cold. 

The walking. 

The language barrier. 

The unfamiliar. 

The silence. 

The unknown. 

But most of all THE MISSING

It has been an incredulous 2 months plus some days.  Have I processed fully - No.  I have been on survival mode and looking for every excuse not to enjoy my here and now. 

Now if anyone who knows me, I am a half full kinda soul who looks for reasons to be happy no matter what.  I could sugar coat and lightly dust glitter over my days & that changed - the only one to blame was me. 

It's not being hard on me - it's my reality. 

How's does one (me) let go? I have let go of so many things in ways that shattered me into a 1000 pieces but I flowed on.  

I blame it on age this time. I blamed it on maybes. I blamed it on things that were out of control... But In those moments I forgot to look at what is actually around me, on what I should sprinkle glitter on, to try and be present instead of being a proverbial pain to myself and to those who love me. 

This has been my hardest journey.  I need to get to me and I try... Every day and it's 2 steps forward a couple of steps back...

The silence surrounds me. 

I have always been so attached to my fone.  It was a part of my identity of who I was.  I used to keep checking and answering and I didn't realize how exhausting that was until.... being in Türkiye- fones are not important in school for communication and quite frankly there is no time .... my battery which needed to be charged twice a day is now running for 2 or 3 days before it dies.

Outside of school I want to think i am better at answering texts .. that my one words have become a string of coherent words ...I dont know what to respond sometimes  but I do know .... some glitter is needed ...

In order for this to work my spirit needs to rise, my spirit needs to fight for this enuf to want it. I sound like a broken record but I think I need to say it over n over n over so it get ingrained into my head ... so that I get it, I understand it, I evolve with it ...

I need to navigate these roads, these alleys with steep inclines and deep valleys .. there is no in-between,  unfortunately or should i say fortunately life has been pretty easy and in this chapter everything is different.

I want to be ok, better, content, more than ever.  The temperature is now in its teens and I tell myself everyday u r warm - layer up buttercup- there is no need complain.  Im sick of my negativity.  Im sick of being not happy. Im sick of struggling. But hey I can now  do 10k steps everyday and still standing now that speaks volumes ....

Send over some glitter ...

Now as for the mind ... professional help required.