2025

5am.
I wake from a deep sleep.

I reach for my phone and 2025 flashes into view, lights momentarily blinding me.

The bed feels huge; it is not meant for one so I hug a pillow tightly between my legs instantly feeling relief from my persistent back pain as well as my loneliness.

2024 slipped quietly into history while I was sleeping, the progression from one year to the next was seamless for me, without fanfare but in such a bittersweet way.

I spent it with her...

Fully awake now, I disengage limbs from the bulky pillow and move to find a cold spot on the warm white sheets. Arms stretch to reach for him out of habit... in the blur of slumber I forget that he is thousands of miles away... doh! I need him in my bed when my defenses are down, in that blissful space between consciousness and sleep, his warmth enveloping me as I latch onto him like a barnacle would to a whale, the poor man having to stand my menopausal heat.

Blurry-eyed I stumble to the bathroom the sensor kicking in and a soft glow is cast in the gentle light of early morning. Thank god for yellow lights and blurry vision. I squint at myself in the mirror. Yikes, I really should have made an effort for NYE. Curious eyes puffy from 8 magic hours of uninterrupted sleep scan the creases on my face lined with lavender flowers which are etched deep.

I make a mental note to no longer buy embroidered bedding.

I tug at my granny panties and joyful laughter erupts from deep within.

How can I still feel so optimistic and joyful when the world went to sh*#t in 2024?
I am 100% certain, having absolutely no doubts, it is because of them!

It's them, my people, my tribe... handpicked with intentionality, chosen, valued and encompassed in a big giant cocoon of love, love that stretches across 1000s of kilometres and continents, connections that span years and often feels like lifetimes. 

You know who they are for you, those souls of shared history and commonality. You can hold their gaze and without saying a word, there is a recognition and a power greater than flesh and bone, of geography and time.

I sit in gratitude this morning for these beings that reside on my devices, that come to my door, and cross oceans, snowcap mountains or deserts to be with me.

You know who you are...

But today I start with her.

I sat back leaning in the chair on the balcony in the dark watching her perched on the ledge with full confidence like a bird ready to take flight. I couldn't make out her features anymore but there was no need, because we are insync, her and I. She was framed by the streetlights and the blouse she wore gave her the appearance of a golden statue. I listened to her talk, to her bubbly laughter, and joined in, 3 hours of pure joy spent in friendship. 

And in my mind I was remembering the 1000s of times we showed up for each other. And I was happy, sat there with the faint aroma of cigarettes in the air and the sound of 80's music playing softly in the background. 

I didn't tell her this then, it seemed unnecessary to do so, but I am proud I got to be a part of her journey.

So... with a lump in my throat, and because I'm cheesy at New Years and because your birthday's coming up...for you, Zo!

For being my partner on this blog and for your raw authenticity and valuable lessons.

For always feeding me, and for the surprises I find in my bag when I get home.

For the car rides to school and the road trips.

For listening to my moans and gripes without judgement.

For the tall stories and the dancing and our spa days.

For sharing your work, your D and all the CfBT official functions with me.

For saving me in the days of covid when I needed to save him.

But especially for your gigantic, generous heart!

For always being you... and for being mine.

The love between a girl and her bff is the ultimate expression of selflessness: "I got you, babe."

Let's do this thing called life.

Let's do it unafraid, out loud, with kindness and love.