AND HER
PART 2 GINGEREDZ
Using of the brain cells by GingeredZ
Chapter 1
In order for me to remain sane in my chaotic head, I needed to channel that energy into something that I feel, that would give me satisfaction – clearly my personal life is at a standstill and that’s by choice – before I digress into another spectrum of color ….
I think with age comes wanting to be secure – but that’s not me – Me at my ripe age of five one – I needed and have the need to achieve something tangible …. And don’t get me wrong I am grateful for where I am and what I do every day – I am where I belong – and in this I have never been surer of..
My fixation with pain ended abruptly (due to no more space on my ears) – so it needed to be replaced and with both my boys on their own path – empty nest whatever is a struggle – and although I don’t ever want to admit this – I needed to reroute.
I am not conventional I am not your run of the mill typical – I follow my own path make my own road and follow the way less travelled and this has kept me alive but still it wasn’t enough - still I feel short --- deep inside and I need to conquer something.
I travel and push myself out of my comfort zone – I fill my days with colors and hues and those who mean something to me
I have also accepted the silences of many and don’t stress anymore – I let it be – I wish for more frequency that would make me feel connected and its ok – I have adjusted …. I have accepted.
Using of my brain cells came at a time where I needed to do something for me – a bit selfish yes – but this was about me – it was about my journey into the delving to satisfy a craving much like my piercings but this - I could grow with professionally. It would serve on many levels – increasing levels at the same time.
Was I nervous …. Hell yes !
Failure comes in all shapes and words ….
Using of words in Context – GingerZ
Chapter 2
Starting the journey was hard, daunting but I had 2 buddies (Y&S) - who saw and believed – and once I started I couldn’t stop – I loved the feeling of knowing what I wanted to say and use my practices and transform it into an A --- I hated citings and references and the serious aspect of it but loved the fact I wasn’t penalized for it – the feedback edged me on
I was too scared to tell anyone what I was doing – I am looked at the crazy one the one who isn’t good enuf and I see peoples faces and how they react, but this wasn’t about them and this time I shut my big mouth and plodded on. I wanted to prove me right.
Has it helped me – in more ways than I can count …
And my sanity …. Restored …. Think not
There is always another twist or turn or a mountain to climb and sometimes its my head but it doesn’t make it any less important.
I am enjoying this phase of self-discovery where my contributions are valued and my goals achievable – my parents would have been I think proud of the woman I have evolved into – I thank them for the chances they gave me – I try to do that with my boys – push and give opportunities to fail and succeed – I don’t think they see it now as I didn’t with my parents – but if I could use my words – Jazakallah for the belief ...
Comments
I'm proud to call you my friend....lotsa love and duaas......always.
Your choices that you made thru necessity
and need are the best choices.
Words well spoken from the heart.
To the point. Always yoursef first.....