AND HER

PART 2 GINGEREDZ

Using of the brain cells by GingeredZ

Chapter 1

In order for me to remain sane in my chaotic head, I needed to channel that energy into something that I feel, that would give me satisfaction – clearly my personal life is at a standstill and that’s by choice – before I digress into another spectrum of color ….

I think with age comes wanting to be secure – but that’s not me – Me at my ripe age of five one – I needed and have the need to achieve something tangible …. And don’t get me wrong I am grateful for where I am and what I do every day – I am where I belong – and in this I have never been surer of..

My fixation with pain ended abruptly (due to no more space on my ears) – so it needed to be replaced and with both my boys on their own path – empty nest whatever is a struggle – and although I don’t ever want to admit this – I needed to reroute.

I am not conventional I am not your run of the mill typical – I follow my own path make my own road and follow the way less travelled and this has kept me alive but still it wasn’t enough - still I feel short --- deep inside and I need to conquer something.

I travel and push myself out of my comfort zone – I fill my days with colors and hues and those who mean something to me 

I have also accepted the silences of many and don’t stress anymore – I let it be – I wish for more frequency that would make me feel connected and its ok – I have adjusted …. I have accepted.

Using of my brain cells came at a time where I needed to do something for me – a bit selfish yes – but this was about me – it was about my journey into the delving to satisfy a craving much like my piercings but this - I could grow with professionally.  It would serve on many levels – increasing levels at the same time.  

Was I nervous …. Hell yes ! 

Failure comes in all shapes and words ….

Using of words in Context – GingerZ

Chapter 2

Starting the journey was hard, daunting but I had 2 buddies (Y&S) - who saw and believed – and once I started I couldn’t stop – I loved the feeling of knowing what I wanted to say and use my practices and transform it into an A --- I hated citings and references and the serious aspect of it but loved the fact I wasn’t penalized for it – the feedback edged me on 

I was too scared to tell anyone what I was doing – I am looked at the crazy one the one who isn’t good enuf and I see peoples faces and how they react, but this wasn’t about them and this time I shut my big mouth and plodded on.  I wanted to prove me right.

Has it helped me – in more ways than I can count …

And my sanity …. Restored …. Think not

There is always another twist or turn or a mountain to climb and sometimes its my head but it doesn’t make it any less important.  

I am enjoying this phase of self-discovery where my contributions are valued and my goals achievable – my parents would have been I think proud of the woman I have evolved into – I thank them for the chances they gave me – I try to do that with my boys – push and give opportunities to fail and succeed – I don’t think they see it now as I didn’t with my parents – but if I could use my words – Jazakallah for the belief ...