NB's by GingerZ

New beginnings – For me it has happened in two ways and in both ways, it was kind of a doosh moment.  Let me explain – the first kind of NB’s creeps upon you – you know you don’t want it, but situations add up and one day you realize “what”. Those kinds are the most surprisingly – not because u aimed for it or worked for it but – it just slipped into your life – and then there’s the smack in the face universe moving you towards NB’s.  There is no warning – there is no slowdowns – signs are constant, and you are pushed into it.  By the time you realize – it’s way too late.

I believe in fate – I believe that there is a time and place for things to happen – we meet people or are put into a situation because the stars have so called “aligned”.  If that didn't happen, I would have been here today – or felt this way – and I think left to my own devices, I would not have had the courage to explore this far.  

To be honest – I have hidden behind my kids for far too long – and now that have “flown” the nest – each living their lives – I am alone. It was easier not to “catch” feelings – I put them a step above everything – that’s what we parents do – in hindsight I used this as a shield – a wall – a boundary to protect my non-existent heart – now days with all of this free time – free moments – I find myself thinking or exploring new avenues of thoughts – but can I share my life – to be honest – like absolute honesty – no – meekly! I like my life.  I like being the navigator of my own destiny and destination – also I am in control.

Recently, I realized a friend of mine “used” me – okay used is too strong of a word – he would chat when he felt like, or ignore even when I tried to share – and I sat back and thought and questioned – do I need this sort of friendship and he sleeps with dogs (that was a turn off) – and I terminated the friendship – he was a time in my life when he knew of the 2 special ppl who passed on the 31/10. And he didn’t care – it was as though how I felt had no weight or of how he affected me.  That saddened me. Hurt me.  I don’t want past-timers or sometimes – friends who span more than 10 years should know better – I am empathetic to others. Again, this is my expectation of others.  

Also, for those who know me – can attest to this – I have never wanted to go on Umrah – again to strong never but shied away from it – and all of a sudden I have this need to – again doosh – I have no reason for the change of thought (see I didn’t use heart) – it’s like something clicked – so who knows ….

NB’s – too many “nevers” became a reality - I am too wary to say “I won’t” – now I say “if it’s good for me – let it come with peace” - I sound old.  Maybe with age one sees things in a new light and changes loom not too far off in the distance.

p.s I love reading your comments – so keep it coming!

"New beginnings, I think, start out as a whisper, and it becomes incessant, especially when we refuse to pay attention to the wisdom it brings. 

For the longest time we buck against it yet all the while knowing that the gentle tide will turn into a tsunami if we ignore it for too long. 

I am currently in it's gentle flow. Nevertheless I can feel the tides shifting, more choppy 

than flow now, demanding renewal and execution from me...

Am I ready?

Not quite (it is nice here in my comfort zone). 

Am I aware?

Yes!

Am I willing to make the changes required for this next version of me? 

100%!

As a wise woman once said: "If it’s good for me – let it come with peace.”

Thanks, Zo for being you,

Nariman