The Silent Ache

Can you picture loneliness? What does it look like? What does it feel like?

Would you imagine that the outgoing, popular, and successful woman might be trapped in it?
Or that the man admired by millions - applauded by many, captivating and alluring - might find his late nights coated in loneliness?

This question perplexes me, because in my busy full life, I don’t think I recognise this feeling...either that or I have become so adept at mastering solitude, that loneliness is a comfortable friend.

Trapped in a never-ending cycle of working and building, we forget to check in on ourselves beyond the demands of ambition. When someone asks, “How are you doing?” we offer the cultural default: “I’m fine.”  Those two words are the most pervasive lie of modern life.

But beneath the smile and the busy days, a quiet ache develops, at first the absence of noise and demands feel like peace and calm, but it remains pervasive and slowly the quiet ache of loneliness takes hold.

And is loneliness the domain of the single, the old or the other? That’s the strange thing, it isn’t...it affects all of us equally at different times in our lives.

The problem isn’t our work or even the quality of our connections, it’s something else entirely. Add an estrangement from our spiritual selves into the mix, and it becomes clear: there is disunity within the self. The mind, body, and soul are misaligned. The struggle is to become aware of this, so the puzzle can once again become whole.

Loneliness is not sexy or tragic

It’s just this quiet shadow that settles beside you like it belongs there.

So we keep it secret.
We tell ourselves our loneliness is a personal failure, a sign that we are weak, a sign we’re bad at being human.
We don’t complain, because what’s there to complain about?
We have a roof, a job, a phone full of contacts.
And yet, sometimes in the dead of night, or in the middle of a busy day, we hope that someone would reach out.

The irony is that there is probably someone you know that is feeling the very same way. You are simply human, and this too will pass.

Finding Solace

Solace comes with the presence of your people. All it takes, is the connection with the ones that you feel that special bond with. It doesn’t need to be in person, or for a long duration, it can be a quick hello, a video clip that says I see you, I miss you, the brush of a hand, or a  that pops up after months of silence...

The end of loneliness lies in belief, hope and faith.

That’s the key.
The answer isn’t to hustle harder, or to isolate yourself completely, or surround yourself with more noise.
The answer is in intentional connection.

We don’t need more people in our lives ... we need the right ones.
A small, trusted circle where “How are you?” can be answered honestly.
Where you can talk about feeling lonely, and someone can simply say, “I got you...”

If that shadow has settled beside you, take comfort: someone else feels the same way.
And right now, that person is quietly cheering you on.

We are all still here.

Let’s make sure we’re here for each other.