WILD & WILLFUL

Growing up as girls, our generation was often told, “Stop being so wild. Don't be a tomboy. Be ladylike.” And without even knowing what that meant at such a young age, we learned to silence the parts of ourselves that were frowned upon, the parts that were too loud, too curious, too outspoken...

And so the taming began and we were told that we MUST be different.

I heard someone say that as women, we need to reclaim our wildness because we have become so domesticated and desensitized to our own needs, wearing a multitude of masks to fit into other people's definitions of womanhood, of femininity, that we have forgotten the very essence of our being.

Since women are complex creatures, this means something different for each one of us.

Because we live in a patriarchal society where womanhood is so often equated with our beauty, our image, our external selves, and our sensuality, we can end up adopting the male perspective of wildness, where wildness becomes synonymous with sexuality. But that is not our definition. When we perform what we think it means to be a 'wild' woman, it can feel false somehow, because our freedom was never meant to be defined by how desirable we are to others. It's not something external, wild hair doesn't mean you are liberated; being over-sexualized isn't freedom. I have met more liberated hijabis than I can count, women who are not enslaved to others' approval but stand firm in their beliefs. It is about having strength of character, resilience, and boundaries.

Going forward, as we reclaim our freedom, we should explore what wildness means for each one of us. We should do the things we never had the freedom, the courage, or even the time to do, and allow ourselves to discover what makes us feel most alive.

No more apologizing for who we are. No more shrinking ourselves to accommodate other people's expectations. We have to embrace ourselves and trust how we instinctively feel about what is good for us.

That is freedom… The freedom to be who we are.

And that is wild.

It can be as simple as “More bush, no shave,” or as deep as choosing to remain child-free.

It can be finally choosing to embrace who you are at sixty, guilt-free, without explanation.

It can be dancing in the kitchen when no one is watching, singing loudly even when you're tone-deaf, or expressing your individuality through the way you dress, wear your hair, create, and move through the world.

It can be writing the stories you have carried inside you for years, saying what you really think, and speaking your truth without softening every word to make someone else feel comfortable.

It can be taking off the masks you have worn for so long that you have forgotten what your own face feels like.

It can be choosing solo travel despite the warnings and fears of well-meaning adults, or staying home in your pjs binge-watching Korean soapies because that is what brings you joy.

It can be falling in love again, choosing not to date, leaving a relationship that no longer feels right, or learning to enjoy your own company without the feeling that you need fixing.

It can be saying no without explaining yourself. Saying yes to pleasure without guilt (Yes, I'm visual too). Changing your mind. Outgrowing people, places, and parts of you that no longer feel authentic.

It can be allowing yourself to be sensual without performing sexuality for anyone. To feel beautiful without needing to be looked at.

It can be choosing to laugh loudly, to speak your mind, to take up the fight against femicide, to take up space in your own home, in your workplace, or just on the road (Beep Beep mf), to be ambitious without excuse, to be soft, to be fierce, to be both.

The point is, we get to choose who we are and what our definition of wildness is.

And it is deeply personal.

So, instead of making our sexuality the focus, instead of allowing our wildness to be defined by booty and boobs, lashes and lipstick, the male gaze, or the mediocrity of expectations imposed upon us, let it be whatever inspires us to become more of ourselves.

Let it be the parts of us that feel alive.

The parts that create, explore, question, laugh, sing, dance, desire, rest, and refuse to be contained with faith and belief at the core.

That is our wildness.

And we owe no one an apology for it.

And it is time we chose who we want to be within the confines of the life we have created for ourselves, or beyond... if we so choose.