The Story of us

33 years.
3 decades & counting.
Almost half a century.
A lifetime of Us.
 
Did I know all those years ago that this relationship would work? No.
Am I surprised it works at all? You bet.
Am I happy I took the leap of faith and followed my heart and my intuition? Damn right!
 
As with anything in life there are no guarantees, and it requires courage and a firm belief that everything will be ok.
 

Relationships are tricky and marriage is never one thing.

It is hard work and unimaginably pleasurable. It is sacred and mundane all at the same time. It is a rollercoaster ride one day, and a slow ride through Manenburg the next. Most days you love the person you get to share your life with, and then there are those other days where you wonder how come you haven’t flipped them off yet.

As human beings, all our needs and wants are particular to us, so how can there possibly be one romantic template for all of us to follow? Our ideas of relationships become warped if we choose to follow external rules placed on us by societal customs and norms. Also, how can we expect one person to provide us with all our heart’s desires, to fulfill all our needs? Or how can we rely on our person to complete us, or fix the broken parts of us?

That poor soul would be doomed to failure, and the high expectations placed on them would be burdensome and destructive.

I questioned this kind of thinking that we have one "soulmate" from which we draw all the love and care we seek. If we are well-loved by many, our romantic partners would be adding something to an already love-filled human.

So, together (over the years, with struggle and deliberation) Shah and I designed and implemented a love story that satisfied all our nuances, or predilections, our interests, our life’s purpose and our differences.

Each living our individual truth at the heart of which is our motto, “Faith & Family First”. And that has at different times meant living apart on different continents for extended periods. Being a global family has its perks, as well as its disadvantages, and finding ways to keep romance alive has turned both of us into love gurus haha…

The story of us, it’s been one crazy adventure...

 The couple that plays together, stays together…

We kept it simple this December, heading to the Middle East to places we both enjoyed off the beaten track, taking long road trips along busy Emirates Highways, making left turns down sandy roads hugging deserts and eventually landing up in serene spaces, beaches or mountains, tents or villas, hotels or camper vans. It made us realise that we could be happy sleeping anywhere, on foam mattresses in tents for 2, or King-size beds in 5 star hotels, as long as we were together. As a long-married couple, patience and acceptance are so important, not compromise. If I had a choice of partner, I would choose him to go on any adventure with every single time, because I liked him as a person, way before I loved him.

And we have in our 30 years embarked on many adventures together in destinations all around the world.

We have stood in the ocean in the warm embrace of the Mother City down South with the waves crashing over us, a light breeze playing through our hair and on tanned skin warmed by early morning sunshine. He would use his legs to raise me up and offer me respite from the onslaught of the waves at Danger Beach. He knew I could be wild and reckless in the water, but also that I was fearful of venturing out too far, so he’d act as my anchor, and I would be safe in the depths my feet never touching ground.

And up North, we’ve trudged through snowcapped streets in Tewkesbury walking our toddler son to John Moore Primary, Kimi in a duffel coat, me in a bright red puffer jacket lost in scarves and caps and fake fur, my footing unsure on the slick tar, but the arm he offered held me firm.

And we have walked in unison with a teenage Kimi all dressed in Igraam, making our way towards the Kaabah drawn by the scent of the Kiswa; propelled forward by a crowd of millions, moving towards the black and gold cloth draping the cube our eyes held captive by the Centre of our world. And after Tawaaf, bone-tired, sitting on the white marble steps staring up at the never-ending night sky. And with my son resting against me, I looked at him feeling safe in the crowds.

He is always there reaching out his hands toward me and I reach back on impulse, out of habit, and out of want.

And if he is not present?  Love and care transcend geography and time, it lives in the realm of the impossible. It can warm your heart at the flash of a memory or with the opening notes of a song, it brings you comfort beyond death and lives on in moments captured in time, or a familiar laugh bursting forth, or in the warmth of sunshine, and the depths of night.

Whisper your beloved's name, and you call them to you no matter the circumstances.

Alone, or together, we are somehow bound by magical stuff, it is beyond the comprehension of our mortal minds, completely reliant on blind faith in the unfathomable. I willingly give myself over to this mystery, is it fate, is it destiny, or sheer manifestation made real by the fearlessness of its slaves?

 
 "Come here, I got you!" he’d say as life threatens to knock me over, the tide of anxiety and fear consuming me. I reach for him, he is solid and strong, like an anchor in a stormy sea, he roots me firmly in place by his side. I giggle like a schoolgirl, there's no other place I'd rather be, no other person I'd want with me in turbulent waters, or in calm seas.
I make my way to the shallows, anxiety beaten, faith restored, feeling the gentleness of his strength bringing me peace.
Back in control, I escape his grip:   " Let me go!" I’d say, longing to tumble in chaos and excitement, my time of respite having emboldened me. He lets my hand slip out of his as the current takes me from him, knowing that I would eventually find my way back home.