ungingered...Z

So I moved... Not just moving schools ... I left Brunei.... I moved half way across the world in the midst of hosting myDs nikah, packing and saying goodbye to those I love dearly. Still ppl asked me "why u left" 

I don't know.  As simply put those 3 words are running my days and I need to stop wallowing, need to stop missing, need to stop wishing for a life that a full stop was placed. 

Everyone loves Istanbul. Me currently I don't understand how I feel, I am totally foreign in a foreign land who understands zero.   And yet all I hear is wow Istanbul, you so lucky 

I am grateful. I make so much shukr for this opportunity but I am struggling

I can't do fone calls without tears and my evasive answers doesn't sit well with many but I can't stomach anything right now 

My consolation... Once I start work.   I never understood the concept of running until Istanbul.  I couldn't go back to once I called home for almost 8 years... And if u know anything about me you would know I loved Brunei like I was born there, for the first time I belonged, for the first time the roots I sowed were strong - from my colleagues at school who became family to my friends who were my family and my son and my new daughter.  It was my hardest goodbye and as I sit here, ugly streaming tears, I know I need a mind shift. 

Tell me how. 

Everything is different 

Nothing is the same

For the first time in almost 30 years I am alone. 

This decision was made out of necessity not choice 

I had to think carefully about my future and this was the best for me 

My apartment is beautiful but it isn't my home as yet

My school is amazing.... We start work on the 1st Sept and everyone says days for exploring... 

Istabul has 8million ppl. I think I have ADHD. 

Friends tried to get me excited and it annoyed me and they felt my wrath 

But everyday I wake up with a brand new resolve of its going to be a better day... There will be no tears... I will be happy 

I'm waiting... Till tomorrow.