ungingered...Z
I don't know. As simply put those 3 words are running my days and I need to stop wallowing, need to stop missing, need to stop wishing for a life that a full stop was placed.
Everyone loves Istanbul. Me currently I don't understand how I feel, I am totally foreign in a foreign land who understands zero. And yet all I hear is wow Istanbul, you so lucky
I am grateful. I make so much shukr for this opportunity but I am struggling
I can't do fone calls without tears and my evasive answers doesn't sit well with many but I can't stomach anything right now
My consolation... Once I start work. I never understood the concept of running until Istanbul. I couldn't go back to once I called home for almost 8 years... And if u know anything about me you would know I loved Brunei like I was born there, for the first time I belonged, for the first time the roots I sowed were strong - from my colleagues at school who became family to my friends who were my family and my son and my new daughter. It was my hardest goodbye and as I sit here, ugly streaming tears, I know I need a mind shift.
Tell me how.
Everything is different
Nothing is the same
For the first time in almost 30 years I am alone.
This decision was made out of necessity not choice
I had to think carefully about my future and this was the best for me
My apartment is beautiful but it isn't my home as yet
My school is amazing.... We start work on the 1st Sept and everyone says days for exploring...
Istabul has 8million ppl. I think I have ADHD.
Friends tried to get me excited and it annoyed me and they felt my wrath
But everyday I wake up with a brand new resolve of its going to be a better day... There will be no tears... I will be happy
I'm waiting... Till tomorrow.
Reading this made me cry. 😠my heart is broken for you but I know you are strong and you will find ur feet and soon you will be able to call it home ,in sha Allah.
ReplyDeleteTill tomorrow....
ReplyDeleteI didn’t your wrath 😅 But aww your words about Brunei 🇧🇳 made me tear up inside 😠🫂💜🪷 Insha Allah, Zohra… one step at a time… God has placed you there for a reason… someday it’ll make sense, I hope… 💜🪷 With love
ReplyDeleteAlhamdulillah. You are brave and have analyzed how you feel to the point. You are not in denial. So InShaAllah You will feel and enjoy your new environment once your start teaching . Being a people orientated person you will enjoy interacting with your colleagues. May Allah SubhaanAllah Grant You Complete Ease. Ameen
ReplyDeleteForced upon change is difficult to accept, to adjust to especially when life goals and plans were slammed like a door that is closed shut. And...its a long journey learning to live with your own company. Only the brave and courageous can take that on.... the starting all over again and rebuilding frim.scratch so rejoice in that knowledge. And the doors that have closed behind you...know that when you accept a decree, unforeseen as it was, the most amazing doors are awaiting yet to open. I speak from experience. It doesn't mean the tears will stop. It doesn't mean the hurt will pass but nothing happens as a result of coincidence so there is better yet to come!
ReplyDeleteOh my friend ❤️ You don’t have to love Istanbul yet, and you don’t have to force yourself to be happy. You didn’t just leave a country. You left Dawood, a home, a life and people you loved deeply. You can make shukr for this new opportunity and still grieve what you left behind. Both can exist together. Give yourself time. Don’t demand that tomorrow be better; just take it one day at a time. Brunei took years to become home and Istanbul deserves the chance to become yours too. And until then, cry, miss, remember… I’m here, holding space for you through all of it. ❤️
ReplyDeleteAllah is in control....breathe....you got this.....
ReplyDeleteAllow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel …inshallah soon , happy ones will overcome the sad ones . Just know that there are people who are always making dua for you and wishing the best for you . ♥️… always
ReplyDeleteDear Zohra ❤️
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard to put into words how much your presence has meant to me during your time in Brunei. You came here as a CFBT teacher, but along the way, you became so much more than that. You became a friend, a trusted colleague, and most importantly, someone we could consider family.
Thank you, Zohra, for all your hard work, dedication and commitment. Thank you for always being so cooperative, supportive and willing to work together. But what I will remember most about you is your easy-going, kind and cheerful personality. You have always made it so easy and comfortable for everyone around you to work with you and be themselves.
Your contribution has truly made a difference, and I am personally very grateful for every moment, every conversation, every laugh and every experience we have shared. ❤️
Now, as you leave Brunei for good and begin a new chapter in Istanbul, I want you to know that although you are going far away, the memories and friendships you have built here will always remain close to my hearts.
I am so happy and proud to see you taking this brave step towards a new career and a new adventure. May Istanbul welcome you with open arms, and may this new journey bring you success, happiness, good health, beautiful experiences and wonderful people along the way.
Distance may separate us geographically, but it will never erase the friendship and bond we have created.
Thank you for being you, Zohra. Thank you for being part of our lives and for becoming part of Brunei family.
I will definitely miss your laughter, your kindness, your easy-going nature and simply having you around. 🥹❤️
Wishing you nothing but the very best in Istanbul. 🇹🇷❤️
Fly high, dear friend, and make beautiful memories wherever life takes you.
You are strong amazing
ReplyDeleteYou can dooooo
You can do it..
ReplyDeleteLife and plans is Allah's domain. He knows what we need and where we are needed. The plan is in place and awareness will come. Remember all things are replaced by better things. Oh...it doesn't mean it will be easy so as humans we cry and feel the pain. Experience it your way...I for one know that you will make it work.
ReplyDeleteThere is always a reason for everything. We don't always know what it is at the time. But you have something to do in Turkey. It may be that you learn something or you are there to help someone. Every time I move countries, I leave a little part of me behind but find new things to make me whole again and become stronger. You will too. But don't expect it to happen all at once. Breathe, set yourself one little goal for each day and celebrate achieving it. It could be as small as cooking a meal with new ingredients or walking into your new classroom with a smile on your face. You can do it. We are all behind you.
ReplyDeleteYou’ve just said goodbye to almost 8 years of a life and people who became family. Of course it hurts. ❤️
ReplyDeleteGive yourself permission to grieve what you left behind.
Aslm Zohra.That was quiet alot...brought tears to my eyes...heart felt about heavy as well ...Idk why...But on the other hand so proud of ur achievements.We dnt always speak but u now in my special duas.May Allah SWT make ur path as easy as possible.Take care.Lotsa Love n special Duas.
ReplyDeleteYour old Friend
Humsiya🤗❤️
8 years of community, family, friends, love and everything in between in Brunei - was always going to be hard to leave it behind. I know what lies ahead can be equally beautiful. You got this, Zo, see you soon in Istanbul
ReplyDeleteI read this a few times, and honestly, my heart hurts for you.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to be told how lucky you are right now. We know Istanbul is beautiful and we know you're grateful. But you're also grieving a life you loved. You didn't just leave Brunei; you left your people, your home, your routines and the life you spent almost eight years building. So please don't be hard on yourself. You don't have to wake up tomorrow and decide there will be no tears.
You can be grateful for this new chapter and still miss the old one terribly. Both can exist together.
You don't have to love Istanbul yet. Just take it one day at a time. Let work give you some routine, meet people slowly, learn your surroundings and let that beautiful apartment become home in its own time. You built a life and roots in Brunei once. You'll build them again. That's who you are.
Tomorrow doesn't have to be the day you stop missing home. It can simply be the day you breathe, get up, and try again.
Just remember we are still here for you❤️
Being alone for the first time especially in Turkiye can be both exciting and incredibly daunting.
ReplyDeleteThere will be moments when you feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or wonder if you are truly ready for everything that lies ahead.
You have stepped far outside your comfort zone and into a completely new chapter of your life. That takes courage. Even on the days when you don't feel brave, the fact that you are there, facing each new day, means you are stronger than you realise.
There will be days when you miss Brunei, familiar faces, familiar places, and the comfort of knowing exactly where you belonged. Allow yourself to miss what you love, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are capable of getting through this.
You don't need to know what tomorrow will bring. Just take one day at a time. Slowly, the unfamiliar streets will become familiar, new faces will become friends, and what once felt strange may eventually feel like a second home. (Sorry third home)
And whenever fear or loneliness finds its way into your heart, remember this:
You are never truly alone.
You are always in my thoughts and duas. ❤️
No matter how far away you are , you are cared for, remembered, and loved.
MaybAllah keep you safe, gives you strength when you need it, ease your worries, and fill your new journey with beautiful experiences
The uncertainty you feel today will eventually become confidence. The things that frighten you now may one day become the very experiences that make you proud of how far you have come.
There is so much ahead of you. New memories to make,, lessons to be learnt nd beautiful moments waiting to find you.
Be stronger than your fears.
Be braver than you have ever been .
You are more capable than you believe.
But, just remember
That whenever you feel a little lost or alone, remember that someone special is thinking of you, praying for you, and believing in you.
May Allah watch over you, guide every step you take, protect you from harm, and bring peace and happiness to your heart.
Keep going.
Keep believing.
Keep hoping.
Your story is only beginning. ❤️
You are strong, you are brave, you are resilient and this is only but short season where you feel like this. Most importantly give yourself grace for the hard days! It’s ok for it not to be ok right now.
ReplyDeleteYou will settle soon and it will be the best adventure of your journey
ReplyDeleteYou know what… reading this made me want to hug you more than anything.
ReplyDeleteI miss you. I miss your presence, your voice, your little ways, and honestly, I miss just knowing that you were there. Brunei feels a little different without you.
And please don’t feel like you have to be okay just because everyone keeps saying, *“Wow, Istanbul! You’re so lucky.”* You can be grateful for this opportunity and still be heartbroken. You can be excited about what lies ahead and still mourn what you had to leave behind. Both feelings can exist together.
You didn’t just leave a place. You left a life you spent almost eight years building. You left people who became family, routines that became home, and a place where you finally felt that you truly belonged. Of course your heart is struggling to catch up with a decision your mind had to make.
So please, don’t force the tears away. Don’t force yourself to be excited. And don’t feel guilty for not wanting to talk or answer the phone. Take your time. You’re allowed to grieve.
Your beautiful apartment doesn’t have to feel like home yet. Istanbul doesn’t have to feel like home yet. You don’t have to understand how you feel right now.
Maybe, for now, all you need to do is wake up each morning and tell yourself, *“Today, I’ll try again.”* And honestly, that is enough.
One day, perhaps without even realising it, you’ll wake up and the tears won’t come. You’ll know where to get your coffee. You’ll recognise the streets. You’ll laugh with your new colleagues. You’ll have your favourite places, your little routines, and people who slowly become part of your life.
And little by little, this strange and unfamiliar place will start carrying pieces of you too.
But until then, please remember that being physically alone does not mean you are alone.
You are loved. You are missed. **I miss you more than you probably realise.**
And you never have to pretend with me. If all you can say for now is, *“I don’t know,”* I’ll understand.
You don’t have to figure out your whole life today. Just take it one day at a time.
And tomorrow… try again. ❤️
السلام عليكم Zohra
ReplyDeleteI know how lonely you must feel up there in Turkey, but I’m sure you’re the kind of person who adapts easily. You have this aura... a special vibe that draws people to you. You embrace change in such a positive way — that’s our Zohra.
I pray that Allah keeps you safe and protects you always.
*Zohra, the explorer.*
I feel you. There is a cost to change, especially when it hasnt been your choice. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some people have a life without change, same city, same friends, same same same all their lives. Some of us have a different fate, where we crave different & new. Life has given us both that, but it came with its own set of sorrows. Young souls, growth is sometimes tough. But, its life ♥️
ReplyDelete