Sneezes & Snacks

"Achoo!"

I sneeze.

And that in itself can be dan-ge-rous when you're older (IYKYK).

"Achoo! Achoo!"

I sneeze again!

My whole body shaking and then I giggle loudly making the situation even worse. I grab my belly for strength and will my bladder into submission.

Still ...

I love sneezes (my glasses popping off) as it so often does, hitting the tiled floor with a plonk. Thank god it is the cheap readers from Clicks, disposable just the right kind for my clumsy self.

He walks into the bedroom; "Ok, babe?" he asks, sitting down beside me.
"Yeah," I say, "allergies," burrowing down a bit deeper under the duvet, "think I'm staying in bed today."

Lazy is written all over my body. 

The straps of my shocking pink nightie has slid down my right shoulder.

"Why is it back to front?" he chuckles, tugging at the delicate satin and black lace, the stitching on show.
"I dressed in the dark, round 3, after you'd fallen asleep," I reply poking him on his knee where he is most ticklish.
He gives a naughty grin, "Stay here," he instructs, "till I come back."
I'm not going to complain.

Sometimes I need to embrace my lazy self, spin doing nothing into an art form.

There is nothing better than staying behind in an empty bed still warm from his body.  I giggle like a teenager on first discovering a rush of love fueled by hormones and adrenaline. I, however, had stopped blushing at love around 16, my sensuality entirely embraced with open arms and a guilt-free conscience. 

Is there anything more freeing than owning your own desires, not beating yourself up for your tiny quirks and peculiarities?

Nothing better!

Maybe it is growing old that affords one the opportunity to be a tad bit shameless, a whole lot of grumpy with zero tolerance for anything rigid and severe.

I have worked hard for this sense of peace and contentment.

So... I'd rather spend the whole day in bed than out there, so what? 

Am I not being responsible in avoiding dangerous distractions and even more dodgy credit card debt? 

I've earned the 5 hours spent under fluffy blankets with both aircons and both fans blasting. I've paid for the bed hair and thick eyes and the comfy pjs. 

My fingers hover over black keys whilst I'm looking up lists of "10 Best things to do in..." , "5* Resorts vs. Eco Bungalows..."

I've hearted 8 different resorts in Thailand, and Kuching and Bandung and landed on Koh Yao Noi... and I'm still not done... planes....trains...boats and automobiles...lets go! O Fortuna reaches it's crescendo and I am moved to click that reserve button on the promise of paradise... 

And I see myself dancing on soft white sand.

And I'm swimming in turquoise blue water.

And I'm sucking on cocktails through colourful straws.

And everyone knows Holiday-Nariman is so much more fun anyway.... 

The travel bug is always biting and the sea is always calling and my heart yearns for days spent on yachts...  promises and possibilities realized and debts paid in hugs and kisses...

An uneasiness descends. 

TPA's and IOU's and XOXO's require my attention. And momentarily I shelve my desires. 

Guilt is a funny thing, it sneaks up on you in the voice of your elders, gnawing away till your edges are frayed and the landscape of you is somehow changed.

Disapproval can be so ingrained after 5 decades of paying heed to the disapproving.

50 is too old not to be at peace with your demons.

And even though my body might be draped in metres of dark black, underneath my spirit is free and forever fierce.

A tell-tale sign of said fierceness is the slow smile at nothing in particular.

This body and mind houses the wildest stories. If stories were tattoos, my body would be a story book open for all to read.

I snack on mango and watermelon and let the juiciness of the tropical fruits satisfy my craving for the sweetest pleasures in life. I let the juices tantalize and awaken my senses and silence my sensibilities.

"Soon Soon, Nariman..." 

He returns with a promise and a plan, and I smile knowing that I will forever be slightly wild and ready to go: 36 or 63, its all the same...the only difference is that now I know what I DO want, and I say a resounding No to everything I don't.

I click that reserve button without reserve, and it feels right living a life with responsibility and pleasure in perfect balance.